I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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