If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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