so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
