im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
