So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
