i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found the puke drawer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
