sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
