Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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