i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
