I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
