pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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