you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
