I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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