I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
