Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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