I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
