Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
