Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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