stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
