so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
