All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
