I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
