I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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