I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
