im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
