My underwear smells like fireworks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
