a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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