I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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