how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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