just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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