she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
