haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
