this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
