4 words: hood of his car
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
