Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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