i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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