I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
