I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
