Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
