Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
