i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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