i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
