I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
