I bet he comes in French.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
