Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
