you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
