Plan B is the new Plan A
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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