Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
