So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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