if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
