im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
