Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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