I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
