we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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