I haven't been this sober since birth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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